JAWS Script

Cassidy:

What's your name again?

Chrissie!

Where are we going?

Swimming!

Slow up, slow down! I'm not drunk! Slow down! Wait I'm coming! I'm coming! I'm definitely coming! Wait, slow up! I can swim -- just can't walk or dress myself.

Come on in the water!

Take it easy. Take it easy.

Oh! God help me! God! Argh! God help!

I'm coming... I'm coming.

It hurts! It hurts! Oh my god! God help me! God please help!

Martin Brody:

How come the sun didn't use to shine in here.

We bought the house in the fall, this is summer.

Somebody feed the dogs, huh?

Right.

See the kids?

They must be in the backyard.

In Amity, you say: yahd.

There in the yahd, not too fah from the cah. How's that?

Like your from New York.

Mom I got cut, I got bit by a vampire.

You guys were playing on those swings. Weren't -[Phone rings] Stay off them, I haven't fixed them yet!

I think you're gonna live.

Hello, yeah ---- what the hell do they usually do, wash up or float or what? Ah nah, nah, nah keep him there. Keep him there, I'll be out in about fifteen... fifteen, twenty minutes. All right. Okay. Gotta go, missing person. season hasn't started nobody's even here yet.

Listen chief, be careful will ya?

In this town? --- Hey!

David, lemme get on. I want my cup back!

You'll get it

Okay. Wave good-bye. Bye!

Brody:

Now nobody saw her go in the water?

Somebody could have. I was so passed out.

You mean she ran out on ya.

No sir! She must have drowned. Look I reported it to ya didn't I?

You live here?

Nah, Hartford. I go to Trinity. My folks live in Greenwich..

Your folks were born here right?

Yeah, I'm an islander. They moved off when my dad retired. You an islander?

No, New York state. You here for the summer. [Whistle] Come on! --- Hold it. Oh Jesus.

Polly:

Well you're up awful early. Is the chief in there? Well chief, what have you got on?

Polly, if this filing system is gonna work, you gotta keep that outdated stuff off my desk - just the pending, all right?

Yes chief. Now we got a bunch of calls about that karate school. It seems the nine year olds from the school have been karateing the picket fences. [Phone rings] Chief Brody's office? It's the medical inspector.

Yeah.

Now the fire chief wants you to go over the fourth of July --

Polly I want the list of all the water activities that the city fathers are planning for today. All right.

Right away?

Hendricks, where do we keep the beach closed signs?

We never had any.

No?

Hey chief, chief, chief! I was trying to find ya chief, there's a damn truck with New Hampshire plates on it smack in front of my store!

Just have him fill out the form. Just fill it out.

Harry:

Hey, look what those kids did to my fence. 89 year old with glasses!

With glasses.

And look at this! They did it with their bare hands!

I'll call you in the afternoon , look I promise.

Customer:

This stuff ain't gonna help me in August. The summer kings come down here in June! You haven't got one thing on here I ordered. Not a beach umbrella, not a sun lounger, no beach balls... If I can't get service from you I'll go and get service...

Hendricks:

Chief, chief! Polly sent me to find you to tell you that there's a bunch of boy scouts out on April bay doing their mile swim for their merit badges. I couldn't call them in there's no phones out there.

Okay, c'mon, get out of there. Take this stuff back to the office and get to work on those signs: "Beaches Closed - No Swimming by order of the Amity PD". And let Polly do the printing.

What's the matter with my printing?

Let Polly do the printing.

Hey! Chief! Chief Brody!

Meadows:

Listen we had a shark attack at South Beach this morning mayor!

I ...

Scout Leader:

K Albert! C'mon you goof keep your arms up! [Continues to yell at kids]

Charlie take me out to those kids will ya?

Martin? Martin, you gonna shut down the beaches on your own authority?

Well, what other authority do I need?

Well technically you need a civic ordinance or a resolution by a board of selectives -

That's just going by the book. We're really a little anxious that you're, uh, you're rushing into something serious here. It's your first summer you know.

What does that mean?

I'm only trying to say that Amity is a summer town. We need summer dollars. If the people can't swim here they'll be glad to swim at the beaches of Cape Cod, Hampton, Long Island.

That doesn't mean we have to serve them up a smorgasbord.

But we never had that kind of trouble in these waters.

But what else could have done that to that girl?

Boat propeller?

Well, I think, uh, possibly, uh, yes a boating accident. A boat -

That's not what you told me over the phone.

I was wrong. We'll have to amend our reports.

And you'll stand by that?

I'll stand by it.

Martin. A summer girl goes swimming. Swims out a little far. She tires. A fishing boat comes along...

It's happened before.

I don't think you appreciate the gut reaction people have to these things.

Harry, I appreciate it. I'm just reacting to what I was told!

Martin, i-it's all psychological. You yell `barracuda!', everybody says `huh, what?'. You yell `shark!' and we've got a panic on our hands on the fourth of July. --- Okay you, you can take us back now.

Alex Kintner:

Mom, can I get my raft and go back out in the water?

Lemme see your fingers. Alex Kintner they are beginning to prune.

Just lemme go out a little longer?

Just ten more minutes.

Thanks.

[Cuts in on conversation]

Councilwoman:

It's just a big bother. Listen to me --

All I want to know, I just want to know one simple thing. When do I get to become an islander?

Ellen, never! Never! You're not born here -- you're not an islander.

Hey, Marty. We got a lot of problems downtown but I got a lot of problems at the house I wish you could take care of. One, I've got some cats barking in front of the house, I can't get down to the office. And that garbage truck, next to the office, has got to be moved. So we're going to use a red zone, it's a simple thing you can take care of, you've done it before, k?

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.

Listen, if the kids go in the water and it's wearing you out?

No, no.

They can... they can play out here on the beach.

All right, let'em go.

It's cold! Huh huh, we know all about you chief. You don't go in the water at all do ya?

That's some bad hat, Harry!

Chief Brody, you are uptight, that's good, that's it...

Oh do you know the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man...

Pipit! C'mon Pipit, Pipit!

Did you see that?

Get everybody out! Get out! Get out!

Michael! Get outta the water!

Alex?! Alex?!

Meadows:

Alex Kintner is the kid who was missing at the beach. His mother says it was the sharks.

We don't even know that there's a shark around here. Look I can't argue with you; I can't talk to you! Larry! Larry! Do something here!

We have to talk to Mrs. Kintner, because this is going to turn into a contest.

Look it's not just the Gazette, she's advertising in out of town papers. Now people are gonna be all over New England that are going to know about it!

Let's go back to the counsel chambers where we're going to have more room.

Not only that but I'm responsible for public safety around here.

Then go out there tomorrow and see that no one gets hurt.

Martin! Martin! Do something here --

It's a small story, I'm going to bury it as deep as I can; the ad is going to run in the back along with the grocery ads.

Right in here please. Move on in, please.

Look, I have a point of view and I think it speaks for many of the people here. Not only me because I have a motel, how do you feel?

Please! Let's have some order! Let's have order please! Any special questions?

Uh, is that 3000 dollar bounty on the shark in cash or check?

I don't think that's funny; I don't think that's funny at all. I'm sorry.

All right! All right! That's private business between you fisherman and Mrs. Kintner. Martin... would you please? Chief Brody.

Uh, I just... Uh, I just wanna tell you what we're planning so far...

What about the beaches chief?

We're gonna to put on the summer... the extra summer deputies as soon as possible. And then we're gonna try and use, uh, shark spotters on the beach.

Are you going to close the beaches?

Yes we are. We're also planning to bring in some experts from the Oceanographic Institute on the mainland.

Only 24 hours.

I didn't agree to that?

Only 24 hours.

24 hours is like 3 weeks!

[Sound of nails scratching chalkboard]

Quint:

Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for ya, but it ain't gonna be easy... Bad fish. It's not like going down to pond chasin' blue gills or tommy cots. This shark - swallow ya hole. L'il shakin', l'il tenderizin', down ya go. Now we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back the tourists, that'll put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant! I value my neck a lot more than 3000 bucks chief! I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him... and kill him... for ten! Now you gotta make up your minds. Gonna stay alive and ante up? Or ya wanna play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers; I don't want no mates. There's too many captains on this island. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.

Thank you very much Mr. Quint. We'll, uh, we'll take it under advisement.

Mr. Mayor, chief, ladies and gentlemen.

Ellen:

Oh! Oh! Oh God! You scared me!

Whoa! You know Ellen? People don't even know how old sharks are? And I mean that they live two, three thousand years? They don't know!

Martin, enough, enough. You not even going to be able to sleep tonight, here. C'mon.

Thanks.

Wanna get drunk and fool around?

Oh yeah.

Hey, Mikey really loves his present.

Where is he?

Sitting in it.

Good God! All right Michael out of the boat!

It's tied up to the jetty, just sitting in the boat!

Michael!

Get outta that boat!

C'mon dad! Just a little longer!

Martin! It's his birthday tomorrow!

I don't want him on the ocean!

He's not on the ocean, he's in a boat! He's not gonna go in the water! I don't think he'll ever go in the water again after what happened yesterday!

All right, now don't say that. I don't want that to happen you know that. But I want him to read the boating regulations... the rules, you know, before he goes out on his own.

Michael! Did you hear your father? Out of the water now! Now!

Charlie:

I'm tired. Let's stop, before someone reports us.

Don't worry the chief lives on the other side of the island.

Am I coming in straight?

Don't worry just keep rowing.

Better catch something, this is my wife's holiday roast!

Don't worry about it. 3000 dollars buys an awful lot of roast.

Come and get it!

Tide's takin' it right out.

Can't we go home?

Jenwirder:

Hey!

Hey! Hey! He's takin' it! He's takin' it! He's takin' it! Hey! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go!

Charlie! Take my word for it! Don't look back! Swim Charlie! Swim! C'mon Charlie! Swim! Swim Charlie! C'mon! Come here boy! C'mon! C'mon Charlie, swim! Come here Charlie! C'mon Charlie, keep movin'! Keep movin' Charlie! C'mon a little more Charlie! Atta boy Charlie! Come here Charlie! Atta boy, atta boy, atta boy Charlie!

I can't get up! I can't get up! I can't!

Give me your hand Charlie! Just give me your hand!

I can't get up! I can't get up! Help me! Help me!

C'mon Charlie! C'mon Charlie! Get your feet outta the water! Get your feet out! Atta boy Charlie, atta boy.

Can we go home now?

Hendricks:

So then Jenwirder and Charlie sat there trying to catch their breath. And figure out how to tell Charlie's wife what happened to her freezer full of meat.

That's not funny, that's not funny at all.

Mrs. Kintner must have put her ad in Field and Stream.

It looks more like the National Inquirer.

[Fisherman bickering]

Brody:

All right, all right, hold it, hold it, hold it. Just, just, just, hold it!

[Hooper disembarking]

Hooper:

Hello.

Hello back... young feller. How are ya? Say I hope you not going out with those nuts are ya?

Lady would ya? The weak top boat's gotta move out first. You have to move out or he can't get out at all!

Boys, boys. Don't raise sail, your just going to luff with it. Do you have a paddle on the boat?

Yeah I got a paddle.

So scull outta here.

Thanks.

Officer, officer! Wait a second, wait a second! Just --

Hey! How many guys are you going to put aboard that boat!

Yeah? Well that ain't safe!

Easy! Watch it, that's dynamite.

Hey, what you gonna...what are you doing with that? Where are you going with that?!

I'm going on the boat.

Oh no, no, no! Please, please. Help get those guys out of the boat, will ya please?

Sure. Gentlemen, gentlemen?! The officer asked me to tell you that you're overloading that boat.

Ah, get outta here! You ain't going there, what do you care? Hold on there.

Well then, can you tell me if there's a good restaurant or hotel on the island?

Yeah ya walk straight ahead! Ha ha!

Ha ha they're all gonna die.

Brody:

Polly, listen to me. We got some road block signs outside. Now you.. you... you gotta get somebody to help us. Yeah get those, get those road block signs out on the highway. Because we got more people down here than we can handle.

Ya?

What are you doing out there? These are your people, go and talk to them!

Those aren't my people! They're from all over the place! Did you see all the license plates out in the parking lot? Connecticut, Rhode Island, New Jersey. I'm all by myself out there! Um, what happened to the extra help we were supposed to be get?

That's not until the fourth of July! Between now and then it's you and me!

Ah, you know those eight guys in the fan-tail launch out there?

Yeah?

Well none of them are going to get out of the harbour alive.

Lenny, that's what I'm talking about. You know their first names! Talk to those clowns!

Everybody seems to be having a really good time today.

Tell me about it. Polly, I'll get back to you.

Listen, could you tell me how I could find chief Brody?

Who are you?

Matt Hooper. I'm from the, uh, Oceanographic Institute.

Oh for Christ's sakes! You're the guy we called. I'm Brody, I'm Brody!

Oh ho ho ho, very glad to meet you.

Yea I'm glad to meet you too!

Listen, I know you got a lot on your hands right now but uh...

What can we do for you?

Well I think the best thing for me to do is uh...see the remains of the first victim; the girl on the beach?

Okay fine. Just bear with me will ya?

Sure.

Thanks.

Gardner:

When we get them silly bastards down in that rock pile, it'll be some fun, they'll wish their fathers had never met their mothers; when they start takin' their bottoms out and slamming into them rocks boy! -- Get away from there ya God damn fool you! What's the matter with you? You wanna swamp us ya crazy son of a bitch!?

What are you doing? What are these guys doing out here? What are they doin' back there man?! Tell us what in the hell are they doing back there then!? There chummin' right now. Chumming what in the hell's that? Their tricking the sharks out. Ten thousand dollars divided four ways is what? Watch your starboard! Jesus!

Brody:

Let's show Mr. Hooper our, uh, hex. Here.

Ah, victim identified as Christine Watkins. Female Caucasian.

Yeah now, now here's where we have it.

Probable boating accident.

Yeah.

The height and weight of the victim can only be estimated from the partial remains. The torso has been severed in mid-thorax. There are no major organs remaining. May I have a glass of water please? Right arm has been severed, above the elbow with massive tissue loss in the upper musculature. Thank you very much. Partially denuded bone remaining, this was no boat accident. Did you notify the coast guard about this?

No. It was only local jurisdiction.

The left arm, head to shoulders, sternum and portions of the rib cage are intact. Do not smoke in here! Thank you very much. So this is what happens. Indicates the non-frenzy feeding of a large squalus possibly Unjumanus or Isurus Glaucous. Now, the enormous amount of tissue loss prevents any detailed analysis however the attacking squalus must be considerably larger than any normal squalus found in these waters. Didn't you get on the phone to check out these waters?

No.

Well this is not a boat accident! It wasn't any propeller! It wasn't any coral reef! And it wasn't Jack the Ripper! It was a shark.

Meadows:

Listen Jenny, I wanna go AP and UPI. I wanna get on the state wire see if Boston will pick it up and go national. Call Dave Axlrod in New York, tell him he owes me a favour. Now this is the shot I want, with everybody and the fish in it. Guys could we please get organized?! I want to get a picture for the paper! Now can we just have the guys --

Ben Gardner get this?

Nah, nah, nah, nah, we caught it. We got it! We got him!

Congratulations! That's swell! That's swell! Thanks a lot!

We got it! It's a beauty, ain't it?

Okay guys! Please, I need a picture for the paper! Come on, clear out of the way please! Just the guys that caught the fish, could just, open it up a little bit please?! I want to get a picture with the guy with the fish?! Come on guys! Come on please?! I need a picture for the paper! Can we get the sign please? Beach closed sign! Please?! Come on I wanna take this shot! Kneel down, just like in high school. One row kneeling, one row standing. Come on just, just get out of the way!! Young fella could you step out of the picture?

Hey! Take your with ya! Here we go, here we go, we're ready.

Thank you.

We're ready.

Can you get that please? How's that?

Larry! Larry you won't believe it!

What kind of shark is it?

I dunno, I think it's a mako.

With a deep throat !

Yeah but what kind? What kind of shark?

Tiger shark.

A what?

Hey, we can start breathing again! Ben getting plenty of pictures for the papers?

Oh, you bet he is!

What is this bite radius crap?!

That is a big mouth! Look at it!

All I'm trying to tell you is --

Why don't you stuff your friggin' head in there, man, and find out if it's a man-eater! All right?!

I'm not saying it's not the shark, I am saying is that it may not be the shark. It's just a slight difference in semantics but I don't want to get beaten up for it.

Oh and I want you to meet, uh, Matt... Matt, this is Larry Vaughn our mayor.

Larry.

Hi.

Matt, from the Oceanographic Institute.

Nice to meet you. Can I talk to you for a second?

Terrific uh mayor?

Martin, there are all kinds of sharks in the waters you know? Hammer heads, white tips, blues, makos and the chances that these bozos got the exact shark --

Oh! Now there's no other sharks like this in these waters!

Martin, Martin, it's a hundred to one. A hundred to one. Now I'm not saying that this not the shark --

Come on!

It probably is Martin, it probably is! It's a man-eater, it's extremely rare for these waters, but the fact is the bite radius on this animal is different than the wounds on the victim. I just, I want to be sure. You want to be sure. We all want to be sure. Okay? Now what I want to do is very simple. This digestive system of this animal is very, very slow. Let's cut it open, what ever its eaten in the last 24 hours is bound to still be in there. And then we'll be sure.

May be the only way to confirm it.

Now look fellas. Let's be reasonable, huh? This is not the time or the place to perform some kind of a half ass autopsy on a fish! And I am not going to stand here and see that thing cut open and see that little Kintner boy spill out all over the dock!

Chief Brody?

Yes?

I just found out, that the girl got killed here last week, and you knew it! You knew there was a shark out there! You knew it was dangerous! But you let people go swimming anyway?! You knew all those things! But still my boy is dead now. And there's nothing you can do about it. My boy is dead. I wanted you to know that.

I'm sorry Martin, she's wrong.

No she's not.

All right fellas, let's cut this ugly son of a bitch down before it stinks up the whole island. Harv, you and Carl take it out tomorrow and dump it in the drink.

Brody:

Come here. Give us a kiss.

Why?

`Cause I need it. Get outta here.

Hello? Can I help you?

The door was open, mind if I come in? I'm Matt Hooper.

Oh! Hi! Ellen Brody.

Your husband's home.

Yes, he is.

I'd really like to talk to him.

Ah, yes. So would I. Ah, come in. Come in. Can I get you some coffee? Would you like something to drink?

No, no, nothing thank you, thank you.

Oh, wine. How nice.

So how was your day?

Swell.

Yeah. I got, uh, red and white. I didn't know what you would be serving.

Oh, that's nice.

Is anyone eating this?

No... My husband tells me your in sharks.

Ahem, excuse me. Well yes I've, I've never heard it quite put that way. But, uh, yes I am. I love sharks.

You love sharks?

Yeah, I love them. When I was twelve years old my father got me this boat. And I went fishing off of cape cod, and I hooked a scup and as I was reeling it in I hooked a four and a half foot baby thrasher shark. Who proceeded to eat my boat. Heh, heh, he ate my uh, oar hooks and uh my seat cushions, he turned an inboard into an outboard scared me to death and I swam back to shore. And when I was on the beach, I turned around I actually saw my boat being taken apart and ever since then I, yes, I have been studying sharks and that's why I know that uh I'm gonna go to the institute tomorrow and tell them you still have a shark problem here.

Why would have to tell them that?

Sorry.

I'm sorry, I thought uh, you told me the shark was caught, and I, I heard it on the news, I heard it on the Cape station.

They caught a shark, not the shark. Not the shark that killed Chrissie Watkins and probably not the shark that killed the little boy, which I wanted to prove today by cutting the shark open -- but you, you may want to let that breath for... nothing, nothing.

You know uh, you're going to be the only rational man left on this island after I leave tomorrow.

Where are you going?

I'm going on the Aurora.

The Aurora? What is that?

It's a floating asylum for uh, shark uh, . Pure research. Eighteen months at sea.

Martin hates the boats. Martin hates water, Martin, Martin sits in his car when we go on the ferry to the mainland. I guess it's a childhood thing, it's uh, there's a clinical name for it, isn't there?

Drowning. Listen, is it true that most people that get attacked by sharks in three feet of water? About ten feet from the beach?

Yeah.

And that, and that, and that before people started to swim for recreation, uh, I mean before sharks knew what they were missing, that a lot of these attacks weren't reported.

That's right.

Now this shark that, that, that swims alone...

Rogue.

What's it called?

Rogue.

Rogue. Rogue. Yeah, now this guy, he, he keeps swimming around in a place where the feeding is good, until the food supply is gone, right?

Yeah, it's called territoriality. It's just a theory that I happen to agree with.

Then why don't we have one more drink and go down and cut that shark open.

Martin? Can you do that?

I can do anything. I'm the chief of police.

Hooper:

We start in the elementary canal... and open the digestive tract... Just like I thought --

What?

He came up in the gulf stream... from southern waters.

He didn't eat a car did he?

No, heh heh heh, a tiger shark's like a garbage can, they'll eat anything. Someone probably threw that in a river. Ah, hoo, that's it.

Better close the beach, call the mayor.

You've got a bigger problem than that Martin, you still got a hell of a fish out there, with a mouth about this big.

How do we confirm that by morning

If he is a rogue and there's any truth to territoriality at all, we've got a good chance of spotting him between Cape Scott and South Beach.

Where you going?

Were going to find him right now, he's a night feeder.

On the water?

Well if we're looking for a shark, we're not going to him on the land.

Yeah, but I'm not drunk enough to go out on a boat.

Yes, you are.

No I'm not.

Yes, you are.

I can't do that.

Yes, you can.

Brody:

I'm telling ya, the crime rate in New York will kill ya. There's so many problems, you never feel like your accomplishing anything. Violence, rip-offs, muggings, kids can't leave the house, you gotta walk `em to school. But in Amity, one man can make a difference. In twenty five years, there's never been a shooting or murder in this town.

do you want a pretzel?

Where are we?

We're right in the stretch where he's been feeding.

Do you get the late show on this thing?

No, it's a closed circuit t.v. system. I have underwater cameras fore and aft.

Who pays for all this stuff? The government? The institute? This stuff costs a lot of money.

Well I, uh, I paid for this mostly myself actually.

You're kidding.

No.

You rich?

Yeah.

Yeah? How much?

Well personally or the whole family?

Doesn't make any sense? You mean they pay a guy like you to watch sharks?

Well, uh, it doesn't make much sense for a guy who hates the water to live on an island either.

It's only an island if you look at it from the water.

That makes a lot of sense.

What is that thing doing?

Well it's uh, it's a fish finder. It's probably just a school of mackerel or something all flocked together. Wait a minute. There's something else out there.

What is it?

About a hundred yards, south south west.

Ben Gardner's boat. That's Ben Gardner's boat.

You know him?

It's all banged up. Sure I know him, he's a fisherman. What happened?

Look Martin, I gotta go down there and check their hull.

Wait a minute, why don't we just tow it all in?

We will, we will! I just gotta check something out. Hit the lights for me

Let's tow it in.

Don't worry Martin, nothing's gonna happen.

What am I suppose to do while your gone?

Nothing, absolutely nothing. Don't touch any of the equipment. I'll be back in two minutes.

Brody:

This is a Great White Larry, a big one! And any shark expert in the world will tell you it's a killer! It's a man-eater!

Look the situation, is that apparently a Great White shark has staked a claim in the waters off Amity Island. And he's going to continue to feed here as long as there is food in the water.

And there's no limit to what he's gonna do! I mean we've already had three incidents, two people killed inside of a week. And it's gonna happen again, it happened before! The Jersey beach!

1916. There were--

1916! Five people chewed up on the surf!

In one week!

Tell him, tell him about the swimmers!

A shark is attracted to the exact kind of splashing and activity that occurs whenever human beings go in swimming. You cannot avoid it.

If you open the beaches on the fourth of July, it's like ringing the dinner bell for Christ's sakes!

Look Mr. Vaughn. Mr. Vaughn. I pulled a tooth the size of a shot glass out of the wreck tow of a boat out there and it was the tooth of a Great White.

It was Ben Gardner's boat, it was all chewed up. I helped tow it in, you sh-- you should have seen him!

Where, where is that tooth. Did you see it Brody?

No I didn't see it, he, he dropped it. We had a little accident on the way in.

I had an accident.

And what did you say the name of this shark is?

It's a carcharodon carcharias. It's a Great White!

But you, you don't have the tooth. Look we depend on the summer people here for our very lives.

You are not going to have a summer unless you deal with this problem

And if you close those beaches, we're finished!

We're not only gonna have to close the beach, we're gonna have to hire somebody to kill the shark! I mean, we're gonna have to tell the coast guard. We're gonna have to get shark repellent!

Mr. you have to contract a shark research panel.

We're gonna have to put extra deputies on because there ain't nothing in the world that's gonna come in here! We've gotta spend money to save what we've got!

You have to ring this entire harbour with 100 gauge--

I don't think either one of you are familiar with our problems!

Uh, I think that I am familiar the fact that you are going to ignore this particular problem until it swims up and bites you in the ass! Now wait a second, wait a second!

Chief? Hey Chief?

There are two ways to deal with this problem. You either gonna kill this animal or your gonna cut off its food supply.

Larry we have to close the beaches.

Brody? Sick vandalism. That is a deliberate mutilation of a public service message. Now I want those little paint-happy bastards caught and hung up by their Buster Browns!

That's it! Good-bye! I'm not going to waste my time arguing with a man who is lining up to be a hot lunch. I'm gonna see you later Brody.

Aw, now please don't do this, he's not...

Mr. Vaughn, what we are dealing with here is a perfect engine, ah, an eating machine. It's really a miracle of evolution. All this machine does is swim and eat and make little sharks. And that's all. Now why don't you take a long close look at this sign. Those proportions are correct.

Love to prove that wouldn't ya? Get your name into the National Geographic!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Larry, Larry, if we make an effort today, we might be able to save August.

August? Heh, for Christ's sake tomorrow is the fourth of July! And we will be open for business. It's gonna be one of the best summer we ever had! Now if you fellas are concerned about the beaches, you do whatever you have to , to make them safe. But those beaches will be open for this weekend!

Brody:

Okay, now I want to know how many men you're gonna send me.

Doctor, doctor, there is no need for me to come to Brisbane when I have a Great White shark right here!

I'm telling ya we need men to patrol the swimming area! We've gotta have help, anybody with a gun or a boat.

Monday?! Listen is Chief Perkoserfilm in there?

Mishkin, Mishkin is the guy that feeds the white mice.

Dad, dad?

What?! He's the little guy with the crew cut.

Operator? Isn't there a phone on the island? Could you connect me please?

How can you go up there when he's not in chambers?

Meadows:

That's the t.v. station on the mainland here.

Oh, all right, I'll get to them later. Please --- Brody to Scup Bucket please come in. Okay. Brody to Daisy. do you read me? Come in over? What do you see?

Nothing here Martin. And nothing on sonar.

Amity island has long been known for its clean air, clear water and beautiful white sand beaches. But in recent days, a cloud has appeared on the horizon of this beautiful resort community. A cloud in the shape of a killer shark.

Oh hi Larry.

Why aren't you in the water?

Er, well er, I just put some sun tan lotion on and uh, I'm trying to absorb some of this sun.

Nobody's going in! Please. Get in the water.

Mike come here. Listen Mike. Do me a favour will ya?

What?

You and the other guys take the boat and put it in the pond instead?

The pond's for old ladies!

I know it's for the old ladies but just do it for the old man, huh? Will ya?

All right.

Thanks.

Michael! Wait! Michael! Wait! Michael I don't want you to go in the water.

Daisy? Daisy? This is Hendricks, anything? Thought I saw a shadow, over? False alarm. Must be this glare.

I'm pleased and happy to repeat the news that we have in fact, caught and killed a large predator that supposedly injured some bathers. But as you see it's a beautiful day, the beaches are open and people are having a wonderful time. Amity as you know means friendship.

Oh my God!

Jesus Christ! Fad shark three-five-zero!!

Red one! Red one! Martin! Get the people out of the water!

No whistles, no whistles!

Everybody please get out of the water. Everybody out of the water please.

Don't push! Everybody out of the water, please.

Michael!

He made me do it! He talked me into it!

Please, please, move back. Let's move back please? Give these people some air. Please move back, move back.

Martin, it's just a hoax. There are two kids with a cardboard fin. Is everyone there okay? Did everyone get out of the water all right?

Sh-- Shark! The shark! He's going into the pond! The shark's in the estuary!

Now what!

Michael's in the pond!

In the estuary! The shark's in the pond! He's going in the pond! Somebody do something! In the pond! In the pond! Shark! In the pond!

Hurry up, get that done.

I can't do a damn thing until we get this undone! I'm doin' it!

Get that rope undone! You gotta untangle that up there!

Hey fellas! Fellas! the sheet. Make it fast.

The shark's in the pond!

Guys? You guys o.k. over there?

In the pond!

Somebody get a gun! Get a gun and shoot it! Does anybody have a gun?!

Michael! -- He's dead!

No he's not. He's in shock.

Michael! Michael!

Nurse:

Doctor said he's o.k., mild shock. He can go home in the morning.

Thank you. Hey! How's my big kid?

I'm all right.

You are. You gonna miss me tonight? You can watch television. Want me to bring anything from home?

My cars.

Your cars! What about ice cream?

Coffee.

Coffee!

Do you want to take him home?

Back to New York?

No. Home here.

I'm sorry Martin. I'm sorry... I, I... I'm truly sorry.

You got a pen Larry?

Wh--?

You got a pen!? You know?! `Cause your gonna do what you do best! Your gonna sign this voucher, so I can hire a contractor.

I ca-- I don't, I don't know if I can do that without the clearance.

You're gonna hire Quint to kill the shark.

Aug-- August...

What? What? What are you talking about? Larry, the summer is over! You're the mayor of shark city! These people think you want the beaches open!

I was, I was, I was acting in the, in the town's best interest. I thought I was acting in the town's best interest.

That's right you were acting in the town's best interest. And that's why your going to do the right thing! That's why you're gonna sign this and we're gonna pay that guy what he wants!

Martin, Martin. My kids were on that beach too!

Sign it Larry.

Quint:

Ten thousand dollars. Two hundred dollars a day, either I catch him or not.

You got it.

Get the mayor of my back! So I don't have any more of this zoning crap!

You got that.

One case of apricot brandy. You buy the lunch.

Two cases. You get dinner when you get back.

Champagne, , Uranian caviar, and don't forget the colour t.v. Hey chief! You try this, made it myself! Pretty good stuff!

Thanks.

Here's to swimmin' with bow legged women. Excuse me chief. Can't get a good man these days for under 60! They're all goin' at least 35 years! 45 year olds with women!

Don't drink that. Mr. Quint!

Mr. Quint! You're gonna need an extra hand.

This is Matt Hooper.

I know who he is.

I've crewed three transpacs.

Transplants?

No, no no he's from the Oceanographic Institute.

And an American's Cup trial.

Mr. Hooper, I'm not talkin' about pleasure boatin' or daily sailin'. I'm talkin' about workin' for a livin'. I'm talkin' about sharkin'!

Well I'm not talkin' about hooking some poor dogfish or sandshark. I'm talking about finding a Great White!

Porkers! Talkin' about porkers! Mr. Hooper. Just tie me a sheep shank.

I haven't had to pass basic seamanship in a long time. You didn't say how short you wanted it. How's that?!

Give me your hands. Dogfish? When you got a 5000 dollars net, you got 2000 dollars worth of fisherman. And along comes Mr. Whitey, by the time he's finished with that net, it looks like a kiddy's scissor class has cut it up for a paper doll! You got city hands, Mr. Hooper. You've been counting money all your life.

All right! All right! Hey! I, I don't need this! I don't need this working class hero crap!

You, you, you're not gonna do this aboard the ship are you, Mr. Quint?

Maybe I should go alone.

Well it's my party, it's my charter.

Yeah, it's your charter, it's your party, it's my vessel! You're on board my vessel, mate, master, pilot and I'm captain. Take him for ballast chief.

You got him.

Quint:

, straight-jet, killin' lance. pair of robi splice with M1 with three-d clip, handy billy, pliers, lance...

Haven't even assembled all these die markers, flares, safety flutes, temperature gauge, spear guns, SMG --

What are ya, some kind of half-ass astronaut? Heh, heh, heh. Take that you latch it secure. ? Jesus-H Christ. When I was a boy, every little squirt wanted to be a harpooner or a sword fisherman. Whatta ya got here. Portable shower or a monkey cage?

Anti-shark cage.

Anti-shark cage? You go inside the cage? Cage goes in the water? You go in the water? Shark's in the water, our shark. Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu to you ladies of Spain. For we've received orders for to sail back to Boston. And so nevermore shall we be seeing you again.

Did you take your Dramamine?

Yes.

[Quint rambling on in background]

Ellen:

I put an extra pair of glasses in your-- black socks and, and there's the stuff, your nose, the zinc oxide, the blistex is in the kit.

-- Son of a bitch! Goddamn women today, they can't handle nothin'. Young girls just quite as smart, like their grandmother's...[Continues his ranting]

That's got to be Quint.

Colourful ain't he.

He scares me.

Don't use the fireplace in the den because I haven't fixed the flu yet.

What am I going to tell the kids?

Tell them I'm going fishing.

Break it up will ya chief! Daylight's wastin'! Front, bow, back, stern. You don't get it right, squirt, I throw your ass out the little round window on the side! Come on chief, this isn't no boy scout picnic! I see you got your rubbers! Ha ha ha! Here lies the fire Mary Lee, died at the age of a hundred and three, for fifteen years she kept her virginity. Not a bad record for this vicinity! All right commissioner, fasten your safety belts, ha ha ha! If you see a shark Hooper, swalla! Ha ha ha!

[While driving away, Quint teases Brody]

Quint:

Keep that chum line going chief, we got five good miles on him.

Who's drivin' this boat?

Nobody, the tide. One time I caught a sixteen footer off Montauk. Had to stick two barrels in him. Two to wear him down and bring him up. Now adays, these kids, they bring everything. Radar, sonar, electric toothbrushes. Jesus-H Christ. Hey chief! Best drop another chum marker.

Watch it! Damn it, Martin! This is compressed air!

Well what the hell kind of a knot was that!

You pulled the wrong one! You screw around with these tanks and they're going to blow up!

Yeah, that's real fine expensive gear you brought out here, Mr. Hooper! `Course I don't know what that bastard shark's gonna do with it, might eat it I suppose. Seen one eat a rockin' chair one time. Hey chieffy, next time you just ask me which line to pull, right? -- Little brown eel comes out of the cave, swims into the hole, comes outta the hole and goes back into the cave again. It's not too good is it chief! Well nothin's easy is it? One more time.

Little brown eel... comes out of the hole... goes back in again...

[Continues trying]

Brody:

Hey! I got it! What?

Get behind me! Hooper! Reverse her! Takin' a hell of a lotta line! Chief! Get the scooper out of the bucket! Wet the reel! Hooper! Reverse her! Duck your head down chief! We're swingin', get behind me again! No more water, it only'll drown me! Hooper, you idiot! Starboard! Ain't you watchin' it?! Hooper, neutral! Where'd he go now? And he ain't foolin' me! What's he makin' out now? Go on, try it! I don't know chief, I don't know. He's very smart or very dumb. Jesus Chr-- He's gone under. He's gone under the boat, I think he's gone under the boat. Yeah, it's too easy. He's a smart big fish! He's gone under the boat! Keep it steady now! I got something very big!

I don't think so.

Chief... chief... put your gloves on! Hey, put your gloves on, both of ya! Gettin' ready to run at again.

Hey Quint, let it go.

Hey Hooper? Maybe your a big yahoo on the land but out here you're just supercargo. If you don't want to backstroke home, you get down here!

All right, you don't want to listen to me? Don't listen to me. It's not a shark.

The wire's showing! The wire's showing

Unbuckle me! Get on the other side. Grab the reel Hooper.

Tuna or a swordfish. Wastin' our time!

Okay, take this rod. Hooper? Give the chief a hand, will ya?

Right!

Oh! Shit!

It might be a marlin or a stingray but it's definitely a game fish! Doh!

Gamin' fish eh? Marlin? Stingray? Bit through this piano wire? Don't you tell me my business again! You get back on the bridge.

Quint, that doesn't prove a damn thing.

Well it proves one thing Mr. Hooper. I proves that you wealthy college boys don't the education enough to admit when you're wrong.

What's the point? Hooks and lines.

Well, you lose one, you rig one. Hooper?! Twelve minutes south south east, now, full throttle!

Aye, aye sir! Arrghgeemoyarrgh!

See what I do, chief, is I... trick him to the surface, then I jab at him! I'm not gonna... haul him up like a load of catfish. Hooper! Full throttle!

I don't have to take this abuse much longer!

Hey, your head's bleedin'! First aid there.

Brody?! Start that chum line again, will ya?!

Let Hooper take a turn.

Hooper drives the boat, chief. Stop playin' with yerself Hooper; slow ahead, if you please.

You heard him, slow ahead! -- Slow ahead! I can go slow ahead! C'mon down and chum some of this shit!

[shark surfaces behind him and he sees it]

(to Quint) You're gonna need a bigger boat!

Shut off that engine.

That's a twenty footer!

Twenty five! And three tons of him!

You're gonna need a bigger boat, right?

Gotta get to work.

How do we handle this? How do we handle this?

Martin, I need you. He's circling the boat! The size of him!

Amity Point Life Station to Orca. This is Amity Point Life Station to Orca. Come in Orca?

Orca, come in.

I have Mrs. Martin Brody here.

Put her on.

Come on Martin! Martin, move, move, move!

I'm not goin' out there!

Beyond the edge of the barrels! Go to the end of the barrels! Further out!

What?!

Further out!

Why?!

Go further out!

What for?!

Would you go to the end of the pulpit, please?!

What?!

Would you, please, go to the end of the pulpit?!

What for?!

I need to have something in the foreground to give it some scale!

Foreground my ass!

Your husband's all right, Mrs. Brody. He's fishin'. He's just caught a couple of stripers. We'll bring `em home for dinner, we won't be long, we ain't see anything yet, over and out!

I need... Martin, please!

I'm staying here!

I'm begging you! Martin, God damn it! Come here darlin'! Come here darlin'! Beautiful!

Chief. Want you to get up on the bridge, just take her forward steady.

I've never steered a boat in my life!

Just watch my hand and take her steady. Mr. Hooper? Attach the end of this line to the first keg. Better get a good shot at that porker's head! Coming. Hee hee hee! Coming! Hooper? You clearing the barrel? Hooper?! Tie it up will ya?!

Your turn, Quint.

Hooper, where are you? Hooper, hurry it up now, tie it on. Hurry up, he's coming straight for us, don't screw it up now!

Don't wait for me!

Come on Hooper! Come on! Hurry up! Tie it on!

Now! Kill it Quint! Kill it! Now!

Shoot! Time!

What were you doing?! You knew I had to get a clean shot, right in the head! All right! Let's see how long that barrel takes to bring him up!

Bring another barrel! I'm coming around again!

Wh--what do we do now? We quittin' right?

We've got one barrel on him. So we stay out here, till we find him again.

Yeah but we can radio in and get a bigger boat --

Quint:

Chief. Don't you worry about it, chief. I won't be permanent. You wanna see somethin' permanent? Bababoom? Hey, Hoop? You wanna feel somethin' permanent? Just put your hand underneath my cap. You just feel that little lump? Knockanolum. St. Patty's day. Boston.

I got that beat. I got that beat. It's a moray eel. Bit right through my wetsuit.

Well, Hoop, now, listen. I, I don't know about that but I ended an arm wrestling contest in an Oke bar in San Francisco. You see this? Now I can't extend that, do you know why? Get to the semi-final, celebrating my third wife's demise, big Chinese fella, he pulled me right over! Ha!

Look at that. It's a bull shark. He s--, he scraped me when I was taking samples.

I got somethin' for ya. That's the thresher. You see that? Chief, thresher's tail. Scewp!

Thresher?

It's a shark!

Do you want a drink? Drink to your leg?

I'll drink to your leg.

Okay, so we drink to our legs! Ha ha ha!

I got the creme de la creme. Right here. Hold on. Yeah, you see that?

You're wearing a sweater.

Right there. Mary Ellen Moffit. She broke my heart.

What's that one?

What?

That one, there, on your arm?

Ah, well. It's a tattoo. I got that removed.

Don't tell me. Don't tell me. Mother. Ha ha ha! What is it?

Mr. Hooper, that's the U.S.S. Indianapolis.

You were on the Indianapolis?

What happened?

Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, chief. It was comin' back, from the island of Tinian Delady, just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in twelve minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. Thirteen footer. You know, you know that when you're in the water, chief? You tell by lookin' from the dorsal to the tail. Well, we didn't know. `Cause our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. Huh huh. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, chief. The sharks come cruisin'. So we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know it's... kinda like `ol squares in battle like a, you see on a calendar, like the battle of Waterloo. And the idea was, the shark nearest man and then he'd start poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the shark would go away. Sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark, he looks right into you. Right into your eyes. You know the thing about a shark, he's got... lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over white. And then, ah then you hear that terrible high pitch screamin' and the ocean turns red and spite of all the poundin' and the hollerin' they all come in and rip you to pieces. Y'know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men! I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand! I don't know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday mornin' chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player, bosom's mate. I thought he was asleep, reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up and down in the water, just like a kinda top. Up ended. Well... he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us, he swung in low and he saw us. He'd a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper, anyway he saw us and come in low. And three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and start to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened? Waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water, three hundred and sixteen men come out, the sharks took the rest, June the 29, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.

What's that

It's a whale.

. Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu to you ladies of Spain.

[Singing] Show me the way to go home. I'm tired and I want to go to bed. [Quint joins] I had a little drink about an hour ago and it's gone right to my head. Wherever I may roam, by land or sea or foam. You can always hear me singin' this song, show me the way to go home, bome bome bome. Show me the way to go home. Bome bome bome. I'm tired and I want to go to bed. [Brody joins] I had a little drink about an hour ago and it's gone right to my head. Wherever I may roam, by land or sea or foam. You can always hear me singin this --

Start the engines. Fire her up!

Busted a shaft!

Chief. Put out the fire will ya? Pump her out.

Done.

Everybody on deck.

He ate the light.

Hmm, terrific.

Excuse me. Quint, what are you doing? Don't waste your time, Quint! Come on!

What's wrong with this sh-- Jesus Christ! Hooper, take the wheel! Brody forward deck watch for him!

You okay? Hey Martin! You okay?

Quint:

Hey chief! Pull left rudder! Pull your left hand down!

I can't! It'll only go about three inches!

All the more injectors got scored by the saltwater in the fuel!

Yeah, the housin's bent you can hear it. Start with that rudder again will ya? Pull it! Good! Once again now!

Quint! Quint! Quint! There it is!

Whatta ya say, chief?!

The barrel is up! It's right in the stern!

I think he's right under the keg. Grab the pole, Hoop.

Quint, if we can get close enough, I've got things on board that'll kill him.

We just want to goose him up, come on. Okay... when he runs, you drop that rope or you lose your hands. I've seen fingers torn out at the knuckles. full of `em. Hey boy! Give it to me a minute! -- Start the engine! Where are you goin'?

Brody:

I'm gonna make a phone call. Hello? Hello? Hello, mayday Orca. Coast Guard? Coast Guard, this is the Orca do you read me? Coast Guard, this is the Orca do you?

Excuse me chief.

That's great! That's just great!! Now where the hell are we, huh??!! You're certifiable, Quint! You know that?! You're certifiable!!

Yah! Yah! Yah!

You're certifiable!! But I'll tell you this --

Boys... Oh, boys! I think he's come back for his noon feeding.

Quint:

Hook me up another barrel! Bring it around after him! Full throttle! Get me right up along side of him!

I can't rev it up that high! It's not gonna take it!

Five degrees port! All right, hold your course! Five degrees port now... hold your course!

Fast fish!

Watch my arm! You see, watch my hand now! Follow me! Follow me! All right, you watch him now! Starboard! Starboard! Run him down, Hooper! Run him down! Run him down! Hold your port! Watch him! Starboard! He's too fast! Starboard!

Don't believe it! Two barrels and he's going down again!

It's incredible!

They're up again!

Now what?!

Well, why don't we start leading the shark into shore, instead of him leadin' us out to sea?

Grab a couple of poles, k? Hang on now, we're goin' round! Get the starboard! Easy! We're gonna back her up now! You watch those barrels, boys! Watch `em! All right, get `em and snag `em. Now then, tie `em to the stern cleats. Brody! Bring it right around the cleat! That's right, it'll lock itself off! Give him room, Brody! Clear it!

Argh!!

Get off the line!

Watch it, stand clear.

Stand away from those stern cleats! Back home, we get a taxidermy man, he's gonna have a heart attack when he see what I brung him! Ha ha ha!

Crawl back! You're losing a cleat! Look at that mother! My God, this one too, they're both going!

He's eating his way right through that line!

Yeah! And he's workin' his way, right into us! Quint! C'mon Quint!

Hey! Come on!

Hurry! Quint!

Outta my way! Watch the tail! Untie us! He'll put out the transom --Make it fast! We got another line in him!

I can't! It's trying to run!

We better get another line! Pull you son of a bitch! I hope your back breaks! Pull it! Rip your bloody heart out! Tie him off! Secure it, boy, tie it around!

It's impossible! It's impossible! Boys, it's too tight! He's pullin' us! You gotta cut him loose or he'll us again! We're breakin' up over here! Cut it man! It's all hung off!

We need something to cut it!

Get the ax! Get the ax! Get it, get it! Hurry up! We're breakin' up! We're breakin' up! God! Cut it! Cut it!

Watch your hands! Watch your hands! Come on hold it!

Get th-- Cut it Quint! I can't hold it!

Cut that cleat!

Cut it! Cut it!

He can't stay down with three barrels on him, not with three barrels he can't.

What about us?

Hooper, get the pump outta the locker in front of you, will you?

We're gonna sink aren't we?

Hooper, keep an eye on the barrels! Pump it out, chief!

He's gonna go under!

I tell ya, he can't with three barrels on him! Not with three he can't!

Hooper:

You ever have one do this before?

I don't know. -- Hold fast!

He's chasin' us, I don't believe it!

We're gonna draw him into the shallows, draw him in the shallow water, gonna draw him in and drown him. We're headin' in, Brody!

Thank Christ! Ever have a Great White do this?

No!

How far do we have to go?!

Quint, don't put that much pressure on her! Quint, God damn it!

Shaddap! Get back there! I break the engine--!

It's gonna tear up! Doh! Hold on!

Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu to you ladies of Spain! For we've received orders for to sail back to Boston.

You did it! You did it! You burned out the bearings! my gear!

And so nevermore shall we be --

All right! Stop the boat! Stop the boat! Stop it!

Hooper! Chief. -- Hooper, what exactly can you do with these things of yours?

Well, I think I can pump twenty cc's of strychnine nitrate into him. If I can get close enough.

You get this little needle through his skin?

No. I can't do that. But if I can get him close enough to this cage, I think I can get him in the mouth or --

That shark will rip that cage to pieces!

You got any better suggestions?! -- Easy.

Easy! All right, up! Up she goes! Ease her down!

Hooper:

I got no spit. Try to keep him off of me until I'm lower. Okay, okay, I'm ready.

Bring him up Quint! God damn it! Bring him up now! Pull it up! Pull it! What is in there?! Bring him up! Bring him up! What are you waiting--pull him up! C'mon Quint! Bring him in!

It's giving way!

Ah! -- C'mon rig somethin'. Rig something. Got it? All right. Bring him up. He's coming. Lower.

Ahh! Argh!

Brody:

All right. All right. All right, come on! Show the tank. Show me the tank. Blow up! Blow up! Smile you son of a... BITCH!! -- Ah ha ha ha!!!

Oh! Ha ha ha.

[Hooper surfaces]

Hooper:

Huh huh huh. Quint?

No. -- Can we get in on those? Hey, what day is this?

It's Wednesday, uh, it's Tuesday I think.

I think the tide's with us.

Keep kicking.

Huh huh, I used to hate the water.

Huh huh, I can't imagine why.